in six months time

sometimes i wish we could go back to when our mattress laid on the floor
no bed frames for us
i'd wake you up two or three times a morning, i couldn't sleep more than you
i never had to pretend around you, like i wasn't who i am or that i was more than who i am, or that you would like me more like this,
you wanted me for exactly and honestly who i am

for a time i didn't like to think of you
i gave my whole self to you and you gave me your whole half
random late night texts from others fill my tired mind
always an explanation, some perfect reason for why
i took it, and trusted it.
i thought i was so in control
i held you after each argument, tear, and stab to my stomach
"you can't be wise and in love" echos, echos, echos...

we don't talk now
but because of time, when my thoughts drift to you i ache
my head and my heart destroy each other over ideas of you

i love(d) you.

that is there -it never wasn't
but you took this with everything, and left me waiting for you.
i can say i miss you
i can say it still feels sad and hard and i wish you could have realized me
you took me there and my hands still shake because of it.

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