april

you can't fix selfish
that was something that was let-go long ago
no one called them out on it
and the little things that were all about them, kept happening until they turned into big things

and then they began to lie
lie to me.
lie to themselves for the reasons that made the lie ok, made the lie worthy of being a lie.
there was a good reason.

i can take the pain of the truth
i am stronger for knowing it ...while you get weaker because of it

the truth that you told me, those things you said, you knew would relieve me, that they would feel good...

i'm still stuck here, in my anger and fear, days after i barley breathed, cried, and then told you it was ok.
i talk myself out of feeling pain in moments when i am not with you
in moments where you are somewhere else

when you come home you don't know that i cried in the shower
you don't know that i put my hands in my eyes to stop

my mind will go and then wonder deeper and i am stuck, everything stops